RELATIONSHIPS · SELF-WORTH · ANXIETY· BEING ENOUGH

shadi
Jun 12
4 min read

Updated: Jul 15

This Week's Theme in Therapy: “Am I Enough?”

“You are not half a person waiting to be completed. You are whole. Right now. As you are.”

This week, a common theme emerged across various clients and their unique stories. At the heart of it all lies a quiet, aching question:

“Am I enough?”

This question often hides in our actions. It lurks in the way we shrink ourselves to maintain peace. It whispers in the preferences we silence and the needs we downplay. Over time, we may become a version of ourselves that feels smaller and smaller, all to keep someone else close. This question underpins our people-pleasing tendencies, our hypervigilance, and our endless self-editing.

And here’s the painful irony:

The harder we strive to prove our worth, the further we drift from our true selves.

When the Fear of Abandonment Becomes Self-Abandonment

There’s a specific type of loss we seldom discuss. It’s not the loss of another person; it’s the quiet loss of ourselves in the pursuit of keeping them.

We fear abandonment so deeply that we often abandon the most crucial relationship we will ever have: the one with ourselves.

A partner should enhance your life, not fill the void created by neglecting your own needs. When we base our sense of wholeness on another person—on whether they stay, approve, or choose us—we have already begun to leave ourselves behind.

The fear of someone leaving you can lead to your own self-abandonment.

This departure is subtle. It happens slowly over months and years, yet it’s a form of abandonment all its own.

Why We Chase Certainty — and Why It Backfires

Life is inherently unpredictable. We know this, yet we develop strategies to manage that uncertainty. We people-please, monitor for signs of withdrawal, and become whoever we think others need us to be. We convince ourselves that if we just get it right, we can secure a positive outcome.

But chasing certainty only amplifies anxiety.

Every act of control—the message you agonise over, the need you suppress, the boundary you fail to set—signals to your nervous system that a threat is real and that you are not safe. In trying to outrun your fears, you only confirm them.

Accepting that you cannot control others or their choices is one of the most liberating realizations you will ever encounter.

Yes, someone you love may one day turn to you and say they no longer feel the same. That would hurt—deeply and completely. There’s no psychological trick to make that pain disappear.

Yet, your life would not be empty. It was never theirs to fill.

You've Been Doing Enoughness All Wrong

Here’s what no one tells you about “enough”:

It’s not something you earn. It isn’t unlocked by losing weight, getting a promotion, or fixing your anxious attachment. It’s not about becoming the version of yourself that you believe deserves love.

The exhausting pursuit of proving your worth to partners, parents, or even the voice in your own head isn’t ambition; it’s a wound. And wounds deserve tenderness, not more performance.

You don’t graduate into enough. You were born into it.

When your sense of self, your joy, and your aliveness reside within you, rather than through someone else, love becomes a choice you make freely—not something you merely survive on.

A Question to Sit With This Week

If you take nothing else from this, ponder this question. Sit with it. Don’t rush to answer it.

What would you do differently today if you already believed you were enough?

Would you speak up?

Would you rest without guilt?

Would you leave?

Would you stay, but differently?

This question serves as a compass. It will guide you back to yourself every time.

You Were Always Enough

Your life is fulfilling in itself, beyond who you are with, beyond who stays, and beyond who goes. The relationship you cultivate with yourself is the one that will never leave, as long as you don’t abandon it.

You were enough before them.

You are enough during them.

You will be enough after them.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below or share this with someone who needs it. 💚

Understanding Your Worth

In our journey, understanding our worth is crucial. We often tie our self-esteem to external factors. But true worth comes from within. It’s about recognising that we are inherently valuable, regardless of our circumstances or relationships.

Building a Strong Relationship with Yourself

To nurture a healthy relationship with yourself, consider these steps:

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritise your needs.
Engage in Self-Reflection: Spend time understanding your feelings and desires.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

The Journey to Self-Acceptance

Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience and practice. Embrace the process, and remember that it’s okay to seek help along the way. Therapy can be a valuable tool in this journey, providing support and guidance as you learn to embrace your worth.

Conclusion: Embrace Your Enoughness

As we wrap up, remember that you are enough. Your worth is not contingent on anyone else’s approval or presence. Embrace your journey, and allow yourself the grace to grow. You are whole, just as you are.