The Unfamiliarity of Peace

Chaotic mind

Addiction to chaos often stems from an invalidating childhood environment where emotions were dismissed or punished. When a child's feelings are consistently ignored or told they are "wrong," they don't learn how to process and regulate them. Instead, they may develop a complex relationship with their emotions, sometimes even becoming addicted to the intense feelings that chaos provides.

The Cycle of Invalidated Emotions

Growing up in an environment where your emotions are invalidated teaches you that your internal world is not safe. Phrases like "you're too sensitive," "don't cry," or "get over it" can lead to a feeling of shame about one's natural emotional responses. This creates a disconnect where you don't trust your feelings and, therefore, don't know how to navigate them. This emotional suppression can build up over time, creating a pressure cooker effect. The release of this pressure often comes through external chaos a fight, a dramatic event, or a crisis which provides a momentary, albeit unhealthy, sense of validation and intense feeling. The brain becomes accustomed to this rush, associating it with a release from the emotional pressure, thus creating an addiction.

From Emotional Void to Chaos

For some, the invalidating environment leaves them feeling an emotional void. Without a healthy way to connect with their own feelings, they may seek out high-intensity situations to feel something, anything. The drama and high stakes of a chaotic life provide a substitute for genuine emotional connection and regulation. The brain begins to crave the neurochemical response associated with stress and excitement, such as cortisol and adrenaline, because it's a familiar and predictable way to feel "alive." This can manifest in a constant need for conflict, a pattern of toxic relationships, or an inability to tolerate peace and stability, as these states can feel like a return to the emotional numbness they experienced as children.

Learning to Regulate

Breaking this cycle involves learning the emotional regulation skills that were never taught. This process requires patience and self-compassion. The first step is to recognise and validate your own feelings, a skill you were denied as a child. This can be done through mindfulness, journaling, or talking to a therapist. By consciously choosing to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of seeking chaos, you begin to rewire your brain's response. Slowly, you can learn that peace is not a void to be filled, but a state to be embraced.